An Amateur Adult Dance Competition Comedy Show; Treehouse Theater, Chelsea, 11pm. $5.
This monthly comedy show hosted by Dara Katz and Betsy Kenney proves you don’t have to give up your childhood dream of becoming a dance superstar, with some of the best (and most hilarious) amateur adult dance teams going head to head for the championship title.
Discosynthesis; Union Hall, Park Slope, 12am. Free.
Head to Union Hall for a monthly disco party in all its corny goodness. We’ll be surprised if those addicting beats don’t coax you into at least a shimmy.
The Orchid Show: Chandeliers; New York Botanical Garden, 10am. $20–$25.
The New York Botanical Garden explodes into a tropical floral extravaganza for the 11th annual Orchid Show. Take in the thousands of blooms on display, and don’t forget to make a pit stop by the Shop in the Garden for your very own orchid to take home.
St. Pat’s for All Parade; Sunnyside, Queens
Join Mayor De Blasio at this parade that welcomes leprechauns of every sort.
Behemoth + Cannibal Corpse + Aeon + Tribulation; Webster Hall, East Village, 6:30pm. $27.50.
Remember when Guns ’N Roses and Metallica toured together back in ’92? Well, this is sort of like that. But for death metal.
The Amazing Brooklyn Museum Scavenger Hunt; Brooklyn Museum, Prospect Heights, 12:30pm. $30.
Raid the Brooklyn Museum with your friends and some clues for a chance to win prizes like tickets to The Big Quiz Thing or a free striptease lesson at Babeland.
Ida Engberg + Taimur + Kevin Castro (live) + Nicola Zanatta; Verboten, Williamsburg, 11pm. $TBA, advance $20-$25
The Swedish wonder woman DJ has played virtually every techno festival in the world, and now Brooklyn has her back in full force.
Hot Chocolate Festival; City Bakery, Chelsea, 7:30pm. Prices vary.
City Bakery owner-mastermind Maury Rubin serves a different flavor of his intoxicating cocoa every day this month so that you can happily regress to childhood.
Screaming Females; Knitting Factory,6:45pm and 10:45pm. Free with album purchase.
Local indie-rock heroes Screaming Females, whose crunched-out anthems manage to sound both commanding and casual, play in support of their new Rose Mountain, a new LP that lives up to our sky-high expectations.
Cinekink NYC; Anthology Film Archives, 7pm. All-Access $85, students/seniors All-Access $60, per screening $10–$20.
Sex fantasies come to life onscreen at this annual film festival. And yes, this is the fest that created a porno starring Miley Cyrus (though the short got pulled from the fest shortly after its release).
Natasha Leggero; Carolines on Broadway, Midtown West, 7:30pm. $35 plus two-drink minimum.
Like a Trojan horse, Leggero first pulls you in with her seductive charm like a snotty version of Audrey Hepburn, then hilariously trashes everything in her path with her quick wit.
Bank of America Winter Village at Bryant Park Rink; Midtown West, Manhattan, 9pm. Free.
It may not seem like it, but winter will be over faster than you think. Proof of that is today is the very last day of Bank of America Winter Village at Bryant Park Rink. Hey, sounds like a pretty great way to pass the time to us!